Mamoru Goes Grocery Shopping
by Krazzie Krys
Summary: What would happen if Mamoru went grocery shopping for Usagi? Would he be able to do it, or would he have problems with this "small" task?


Here's my first shot at a comedy. Remember, I'm usually a TAFF writer, but this story had to be. It's in response to the challenge of writing a story that had food as a main idea to it. Just to give some reference, I worked at a grocery store, well I used to. I had to quit because I was going to college. So, the lay out of the store is the one that I worked at. More notes at the end. Happy reading.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own sailor moon, or any of these characters. I didn't give the grocery store a name, but if I mentioned something, I don't own it either. Also the name brands I don't own either. I only got the story line. Plus, you don't want to sue me. I'm a poor college student. You might get about 6 cents.  
  
"Talking is in quotes" 'Thoughts are in these' ________________________________________________________________________  
  
"Mamo-chan, can you do a big favor for me, please?" Usagi Tsukino Chiba pleaded with her husband of a little under a year now. She had long blonde hair and was putting on her jacket and handbag, getting ready to go. "I have to go get some things from mom, and you know how mom likes to talk to me. Please?"  
  
"Alright, what is it Usako?" Mamoru Chiba. He was tall, dark and handsome. Mamoru was watching TV while folding some towels.  
  
"I need you to get some stuff from the store. I left a list of everything I need and money is there too. It's in the kitchen. It's not that long, and it's very easy. Thank you so much. I owe you! I won't have my cell phone because I forgot to charge it. Sorry. I won't be gone too long. Just getting some stuff from mom and talking to her. And if you have any problems, call me at my parents. Thank you so much, I love you. Bye!" Before Mamoru could change his mind she charged out the door.  
  
He was looking at the door wondering why she left with such a hurry. So what, all she wanted him to do was go grocery shopping for her. It couldn't be that hard. He thought it was a Sunday and a beautiful day. No one should be grocery shopping because people should be out side enjoying the day. It wouldn't be that hard. Plus she said it was a "short" list. And maybe he could get some chocolate while he was there and something for Usagi too.  
  
He got up and went to the kitchen to see what he all needed. Sitting in the middle counter was her "short" list. Like she said, it wasn't hiding or hard to find. It wasn't what you might call "short". It was a page and a half, with everything from bread and milk to five different kinds of jell- o. 'Why does she need all this stuff? What's she planning?' He started to read the list as he walked out of the apartment: 3 Salmon fillets, 5 different things of jell-o, Shortening, Vanilla, Pecans, Flour, Salt, Coconut flavoring, Coconut milk, just to name a few.  
  
It had at least 30 different fruits and vegetables, four types of bread, and six kinds of meat. This would take him three hours to get everything. 'She better be planning to give half this stuff to Makoto-chan. If Usako is planning to cook stuff with all this, I'm scared.'  
  
Mamoru kept on reading while walking out to his convertible. Pops cereal, power bars, Oreos, macaroni, bagels.. And the list went on. Getting in the car, he turned it on and rolled down the top like normal. Mamoru pulled out of the parking garage into a busy street. He put the list on the set next to him. He roared the engine to life and went off with a gust of wind. And what he didn't notice was, so did his list..  
  
Mamoru pulled into the grocery store and saw a packed parking lot. He spent five minutes trying to find a parking lot. He found a spot, finally. But it was the last one in the row. 'Why is everyone at the store? It's a great day to be out side, so why is everyone here?' Shaking it off, he reached over to get his list, only to find air. 'What? Where is it? It has to be here?' He looked through his car for, looking for the missing list. He found $3.42 in odd change under the seats, an old book, a bag of candy, and Usagi's missing brush, but no list.  
  
'What am I going to do?' he did the first thing that came to mind, he called Usagi's parents. "Hello, Tsukino Home." Usagi younger brother picked up the phone. "Yes, this is Mamoru, may I talk to Usagi-chan?" "Sorry, she and mom went out looking at 'girl stuff', what can I do for you Mamoru-san?" "Oh, that's okay. I just had a question for her, but it can wait. Good-bye" and with that Mamoru hung up. What was he to do now? No Usagi, no list and no help! 'I can do this; I remember what she wanted like the back of my hand. This will be easy.'  
  
'First I need a cart.' He went to get one, but there was a problem with that. There were three left, and two other women in front of him. But wait, they left him the cart with a broken weal. 'Great, I can deal with this. I used to be Tuxedo Karmen and I will be King of Crystal Tokyo, I can do this!' First stop was fruits and vegetables. 'Oh-no' first he went up to the apples, there was a wall covered with them. 'Which one, did she want? How can there be so many different kinds of just apples?' He ended up just picking the big red ones. Then on to the rest of the vegetables, to spare you from the gruesome details, he took three different lettuces, four different potatoes, and don't ask about the peppers. He had a bag filled with three peppers from each type.  
  
Next came the meats. He remembered that she wanted 3 salmon fillets and that was about it. He went up to the guy behind the meat counter. "What can I do for you sir?" the kind man asked "Um, three salmon fillets, um. I think one pound of ground beef, and then. um. two chickens. then. Um.. " Mamoru shuddered out. "Let me guess, you forgot your list?" "Yeah, well it kind of blew away. Can you help me?" "Sure, I'll get you what you told me, plus what the usual is around here. Hold on a moment." The man replied. When he returned, he handed Mamoru five neatly raped packages, three with seafood written on them, and two white ones. "Thank you for helping me out"  
  
"No, problem, it happens to all of us. I hope you have a better day." With that said, he went on to his next customer. 'That wasn't that bad, he was really helpful. What's next.' Mamoru walked through the giant store, trying to remember what was all on the list. Which in reality, he couldn't remember a thing.  
  
The first area he ran into was bread. There were 20 different kinds of bread. There was wheat, white, potato, buttermilk... 'I can do this. This isn't too hard.' He first got a loaf of wheat, then white and some rolls. 'If she's not happy with one of them, there's the other that will make up for it. I'm on a roll.'  
  
First isle, it was tea, coffee, hot chocolate and things like that. He could remember tea being on the list; he looked up at the many different types of tea he could choose from. 'Oh-no. Why does there have to be so many different types of tea, not to mention all the different brand names...' This went on for everything, First Tea, then salad dressing, noodles, canned vegetables and on to spaghetti sauces. It amazed him that you could have five different brands of the same thing. 'Who buys all this. Why can't they just make one kind of everything?' By the time he was on the fourth row, he was just picking random items to get. 'That sounds good' was Mamoru's favorite saying.  
  
Next problem was the juice isle. Dear Mamoru couldn't make up his mind whether or not to get a sports drink or grape juice or the many other different types of juices. 'Why.. Why. Why?' He remembered that Usagi wasn't very athletic so, out went the sport drinks. She did like grapes, so he got a random grape juice. He also remembered that she liked strawberry juice and fruit punch. So he got a bottle of strawberry juice and six small juice boxes of fruit punch. 'I'm still going good. I think that I should do this more often.'  
  
Now he was on row six, cereals! Another 'Oh-no' sounded inside Mamoru's mind. He couldn't remember what cereals Usagi liked. Now he was facing a row lined with cereals on BOTH sides. He could remember that every morning he had Cheerios, but not what Usagi ate. He walked up and down the row many time, muttering to him self "Why is there so many? Who eats all these? Why do they make some many different brands?" While searching and thinking he, bumped into many different people murmuring his apologies. After a considerable amount of time, he made a decision. He got 5 different kinds of cereal: Coco Puffs, Fruit Loops, Cheerios, Lucky Charms, and Life, just to be safe. 'I survived, if I can survive that, I can do anything!' Feeling more confident than he did before, he went on to the next row.  
  
The next isle had to be the hardest of them all, a row of only baking stuff. Up and down the isle were flours, sugars, salts, icings and mixes. You said it, "Oh-no!" Mamoru said. 'I'm never going to get out of here! Oh- no!' Just like the last isle he paced up and down the isle, getting in the way of the other shopper that knew what they wanted. 'What to get? What to do?' All-purpose flour sounded right he thought. White sugar, maybe, it sounded and looked better than brown sugar, sugar cubes and sugar cane. A small bottle vegetable oil would work for just about anything. And last, a box of cake and brownie mix for forgiveness later. Maybe if he made something sweet for Usako would put her in a good mood for when he tells her what happened. 'Ha, I did it! I really made it through this isle. I can do anything, now! Take on the bad guys, be a great husband and survive the grocery store!'  
  
After that, there was the chips row. This was the easiest row for him to do. He knew that Usagi like regular Lays potato chips and he liked Corn chips. Then he got a small jar of nuts 'I'll eat these and some fruit snakes for Usagi 'she'll like these. Ha ha, they thought that they had me, well, I'm going to make it!'  
  
He thought that he was almost out of the woods! He was on isle 8 and there were only 14 isles in the store. Boy was he wrong. Mamoru had missed a couple key items and rows. 'Anything that I forgot Usagi can some back and get!' Isle nine was cookies, crackers and paper plate. 'I know that we have enough paper plates, and you can never have to many cookies.' He grabbed a bag of chocolate chip and animal crackers. "Not to much more, I'm almost done. I'll never come back here, AGAIN!" Moving on to the soda isle. He decided to get some sprite and water. "Too much soda is bad for you" 'Almost done. almost done. almost done.' Dear Mamoru decided to skip the next couple isles, eleven and twelve. "I don't think we need anything like toilet paper or tissues or napkins. And I know that we don't need any cleaning supplies." Finally, something that he could understand, the wine and alcohol section. Since he really messed up with this, he decided to find a very nice wine to have for dinner that he would be making later. It would be an apology dinner. All that's left is the pet stuff area and he would be able to leave this hell on earth and go back home. One thing that was for sure, he would never ever go grocery shopping for anyone, ever again!  
  
At last, the pet stuff. He looked around for something for Luna, since he knew that he was going to be in big trouble when Usagi got home. It's better to suck up to some one in the house, so he wouldn't be forced to sleep on the couch. Luna could talk Usagi out of doing some thing rash. He found some treats and a new toy for her. It was a little mouse that squeaked. "I'M DONE" Oh, no he wasn't. Poor Mamoru turned down the isle to head toward the checkout, but something was in the way of him and the exit, four more isles. "NO, no more, she can come back and get what I forgot for her self! I'm done, no more!"  
  
What he was skipping was the frozen foods and stuff that was in coolers. As he was walking down the last isle, one of the coolers, he picked up a few things that might be of some use to him: milk, eggs, butter and some yogurts.  
  
At last, the promise land, the exit. Paying wasn't too hard. The girl that helped him check him out was really nice. "How was your day? Did you find everything alright?" She said. Her nametag said her name was Krystina. "Fine, but I lost the list my wife gave me." He said. "That's fine, everyone looses the shopping list or leaves it at home, myself included. Don't worry, we're open late incase she tells you to come back." Krystina said. "Your total is $257.34." He paid even though it hurt him to spend that much on groceries, and didn't even know it that was everything that he needed. "Did you want some one to help you out to your car with this?" Krystina asked. "No, I think that I'll manage. Thanks for your help." "No problem, it's my job. Have a good day. And come back if you need anything else." 'Finally, I'm out of there. I'm never going back. Usagi couldn't do anything to make him want to come back here ever again!'  
  
Mamoru did a really good job at packing everything into the tiny trunk in his car. He couldn't help laughing at how the day went. He survived the grocery store! Now to battle a bigger problem, telling Usagi that he lost the list and probably didn't get everything that she wanted.  
  
Usagi wasn't home when he got there. 'Safe! I can just tell her that I got everything she needed and put it away before she gets home. Then I won't be in much trouble.' He quickly got everything out of the car and into the apartment. It took a couple trips, seeing he got so much stuff. With everything out of the car and in the apartment, he started putting it all in its right place, even if he didn't know where everything went. The cold stuff in the refrigerator, everything else went in the cabinets and the pantry. Three bags left. two. last one! He had just finished putting the flour and sugar in the pantry when he heard the front door open. "Hi muffin, I'm back. Did you have fun at the grocery store? " His wife asked. "You have no idea. I just finished putting everything away. I'm planning on making dinner tonight to give you the night off." Mamoru said sweetly. "Where you able to find everything that was on Makoto's list? Wait, why did you put everything away? I thought that I wrote on the bottom for you to drop it off with Makoto?" "What! You didn't say it was for Makoto? Oh-no." Mamoru had to sit down. He didn't know that! 'Why didn't she tell me it was for Makoto. It would have saved me so much trouble ad time' "What's wrong honey? I can get everything out and put it in bags, it's okay. You rest, it looks like the grocery story took a lot out of you." "Usako, come here, I need to tell you some thing" 'Here going, I'm just going to tell her the truth, maybe then it won't be that bad' "What? Oh, don't look so upset, it's okay. I'll get everything ready to go." Usagi said sweetly. "No, it's not that. On the way to the store, I lost the list. I had the top down on the car, and the list blew away. I went to the store anyways. I thought that I would be able to get most of the stuff anyways with out the list. I'm sorry. I tried calling your parents to see if your were there so I could tell you, but you weren't there." He was expecting Usagi to start telling him what he should have done, but instead he heard giggling. Usagi was laughing. She was laughing so hard that she had to sit down. "What? I thought that you would be mad?" When Usagi finally stopped laughing, she was able to say "Oh, your so cute and sweet! I shouldn't have given you the job of going in the first place. Makoto asked me to pick up everything for her because she was busy. I couldn't say no to her, even though I was busy. I think that we both messed up with this. Why don't I call Makoto and get another copy of her list, and we can see what you got, and then go out and get the things that you missed on the list together." "Oh, no! I'm not going back to that place, that. that.ugh! You can go by your self. I'm never going back, all those isles and food and people. No!" "Please. I need some company. Don't tell me my big, buff, good-looking husband doesn't want to help me. Please? I'll take you out for dinner if you come with me? You can pick where?" "Fine, you win. I'll go with." Mamoru gave in. He was going back to the grocery store.  
  
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I got the idea for the story a long time ago. It was suppose to be for Mamoru-day, last year. But I got the idea two days before the story was due. So I didn't finish it till now. Also it was a feed off of some one else's story. I think that it was 'Mamoru does the laundry'. I can't remember the author, but thanks for helping get this idea off and going. It would be funny if a group started a 'Mamoru does/goes.' that would be fun. Just to let you all know, the girl the helped Mamoru checkout his groceries was me. I had to add myself in it. It was just too easy! I've had that exact talk with many men while I was working. It was always I forgot the list. Most of this story is about what has happened at the store that I worked at. Just to let you know, I didn't feel like making Mamoru go through the rest of the store, it would be too had on the poor guy. Remember this is my first comedy. I don't really ever write other than TAFF. But just to let ya'll know, my next story it most definitely TAFF. It will hopefully be done for the day after V-day, since I can't post it on that day. I can't wait to hear some response to this. Now, just if my internet would work. stupid dorm internet! 


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